For Pete's sake...

Gas is so expensive I just leave my dates at the restaurant. 😭⛽️💰 “You gonna take me home?” Absolutely not. I barely had enough gas to bring you here. Text me when you make it home though.🙏 And forget flowers. I pulled up with a full tank. That’s commitment.  🌹⛽️

Can we talk about bananas for a second? 🍌 Because I'm starting to suspect bananas are the only food that successfully escaped inflation. Everything at the grocery store is getting more expensive. Eggs are acting like they're made of gold. Cereal costs more. Even a  bag of grapes has me checking my bank account. Then I walk past the bananas. 50 cents a pound. Excuse me? Banana, are you okay? Why haven't you raised your prices?🤔 You've been sitting here for years watching everything else become ridiculously expensive, and you're still like, “Don't worry, Pete. I've got you brah.” At this point, I don't even think I'm buying bananas anymore, feels like I' m stealing them. The banana is basically the employee at the grocery store who refuses to ask for a raise.

Besides lawyers, are there actually humans that read the entire Terms & Conditions of a contract? 😂 Because I refuse to believe it. I click "I Agree" with the confidence of a man who has absolutely no idea what he just agreed to. 🤣 For all I know, paragraph 47 says I’ve given them permission to take my house, my car, and my firstborn child. And I’m just sitting there like, “Yep. Sounds good. Where do I click?” Then they hit you with: "By continuing, you acknowledge that you have read and understood all 87 pages.” Sir… I understood the word “Continue.”That’s about it. 😭 Nobody is reading all that. We're just hoping paragraph 86 doesn't say, “By accepting, you agree to surrender your soul at midnight. "Accept. Accept. Accept." 🫡

Losing my car in a Walmart parking lot or any large parking lot is definitely a humbling experience. I pretend I know where I’m going, but I don’t 😅 At some point I’m just wandering around with a key fob in my hand like a man searching for his destiny in life💀 I just start walking confidently in random directions hoping my car recognizes me before I recognize it.👀

I want to talk to a f**king human being on the phone with customer service. Not a machine, not a robot. Now give me my Indian back and stop with the A.I. crap. For Patel's sake! 😤

https://youtube.com/shorts/TihfpuDXB4A?is=KA95NSGPQOtIHmO5 Happy first day of school to kids everywhere!  It's your time to shine and mold your future.  I wish you nothing but the best.  Unfortunately school zones are back and they will delay me in traffic.  So F**k them kids 😭 https://youtube.com/shorts/TihfpuDXB4A?is=KA95NSGPQOtIHmO5

Travis Scott is in The Odyssey??🤣 That kind of doesn't make sence. Put Denzel or Michael b. jordan instead. Serious Actors. Imagine Snoop Dogg in Game of Thrones lol ridiculous 💀

Its pronounced Fuqua street not Fuqua street. Get it right buddy😤

Lamine Yamal finally broke the 'athlete with a white girlfriend' trend, he's with a Spanish girl for now. Stay strong brother 😩✊🏽 them snowbunnies are tempting 🐇😭

I need to start exercising again. I feel like a war tank 🥺  if we ever go to war they'll absolutely draft me first. My fatass will block incoming attacks. 

I'm not downloading a fkn app to park in Houston. So ridiculous. I rather walk.   Sometimes my love/ hate relationship for the city of Houston is too much 😩💔

I'm sorry but what the actual fuc* is Madonna doing in the world cup halftime show?? So irrelevant. They probably confused the names Maradona to Madonna lol Who knows. 

I haven't done anything productive with my life since World cup started 😅🏆⚽️ So many games. 

There goes Mexico.  I mean,  I knew they weren't gonna win the world cup but I still had a little hope. Oh well,  time to make the best of what we have. Im hungry.   😭😭⚽️

Germany and Japan getting eliminated at the same time.  Is this soccer or World War 2? 😭

It would've been cool if Iceland made the World Cup. Their offense is ice cold and their defense leaves opponents frozen in place. Iceland fans don’t do waves. They do.... Avalanches! 🏔❄️ Plus their head coach is pretty chill. 

What to possibly give my dad for father's day? He already has the best son in the world 🤔🎁

All I'm asking is for that .4 of his wealth.. that tiny amount is enough for me 🥺

The situation got Messsiiiii ⚽️🏆