For Pete's sake...

Gas is so expensive I just leave my dates at the restaurant. 😭⛽️💰 “You gonna take me home?” Absolutely not. I barely had enough gas to bring you here. Text me when you make it home though.🙏 And forget flowers. I pulled up with a full tank. That’s commitment.  🌹⛽️

Can we talk about bananas for a second? 🍌 Because I'm starting to suspect bananas are the only food that successfully escaped inflation. Everything at the grocery store is getting more expensive. Eggs are acting like they're made of gold. Cereal costs more. Even a  bag of grapes has me checking my bank account. Then I walk past the bananas. 50 cents a pound. Excuse me? Banana, are you okay? Why haven't you raised your prices?🤔 You've been sitting here for years watching everything else become ridiculously expensive, and you're still like, “Don't worry, Pete. I've got you brah.” At this point, I don't even think I'm buying bananas anymore, feels like I' m stealing them. The banana is basically the employee at the grocery store who refuses to ask for a raise.

Besides lawyers, are there actually humans that read the entire Terms & Conditions of a contract? 😂 Because I refuse to believe it. I click "I Agree" with the confidence of a man who has absolutely no idea what he just agreed to. 🤣 For all I know, paragraph 47 says I’ve given them permission to take my house, my car, and my firstborn child. And I’m just sitting there like, “Yep. Sounds good. Where do I click?” Then they hit you with: "By continuing, you acknowledge that you have read and understood all 87 pages.” Sir… I understood the word “Continue.”That’s about it. 😭 Nobody is reading all that. We're just hoping paragraph 86 doesn't say, “By accepting, you agree to surrender your soul at midnight. "Accept. Accept. Accept." 🫡

Losing my car in a Walmart parking lot or any large parking lot is definitely a humbling experience. I pretend I know where I’m going, but I don’t 😅 At some point I’m just wandering around with a key fob in my hand like a man searching for his destiny in life💀 I just start walking confidently in random directions hoping my car recognizes me before I recognize it.👀

I want to talk to a f**king human being on the phone with customer service. Not a machine, not a robot. Now give me my Indian back and stop with the A.I. crap. For Patel's sake! 😤